MY OWN COUNTRY

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This morning, I piled onto the streetcar and pulled my Bible out of my lunch bag.

Philippians 2 fell under my eyes. 
Verse 10 goes, “The authority of the name of Jesus causes every knee to bow in reverence! Everything and everyone will one day submit to this name – in the heavenly realm, in the earthly realm, and in the demonic realm.”

I thought,
“Wait, if even the darkness will bow, will cry His name with the same beloved conviction as the saints, that means darkness will end. It can't coexist with true worship, so it’ll go up in smoke." And if the darkness ends, that means everything attached to it will go right along with it.
Which means, for one, that negativity won’t exist anymore. 
Which means when I dwell in negative thoughts, when I obey shitty scripts, when I throw rocks at my own cerebral windows, I’m loitering in a corrupt and cancerous town that will see its end. The whole place, from the welcome sign to the back wilderness, will be lit like a match and burn like perfect kindling. 

It’s finite.
Darkness is finite.

And if that’s true, negativity can only exist in the finite. 

But, wait...
I’m not finite. 
Me, my soul, is infinite, eternal, forever. 

So, when I hunt for mirrors of pitiful agreeance, when I speak an indulgent piece of self-slander, when I growl and hunger for company to keep me justified in a place designed to starve me out, I’m an infinite being out of context. I’m a lightbulb choked in smoke stumbling around streets of despair I wasn’t designed to be on. 

Then I realized: my negativity has me gambling my life away in a town called death. 
And I didn’t see that before. 
I couldn’t have. 

I was trying to find context in my own strength, trying to change a whole self with pinhole eyesight. 
But when I flipped to the gospel, there’s my context.
There’s a conversation there. 

And from out of the streetcar, He plucked me up and put me on His shoulders. 
And gave me His eyes.

“Negative thinking is a constant investment in an ending. It’s a conflicting paradox that’ll kill your insides. See darkness for what it is, and let me show you who you really are.”

And then He carried me back into the light, 
back into my own country.

Dani KreeftComment